I was a professor for a long time, and over the years I generally noted a sea change in the students who wandered my way. There was something different about new generations that entered my classroom. It wasn’t always clear what it was, but I felt them change.
Generally, I would describe new students as becoming “un-educatable.” By which I mean they didn’t learn well via existing teaching structures that currently dominate all educating institutions. They tended to miss a lot of classes, got bored in lectures, didn’t take notes, didn’t read the books, didn’t study hard for the tests, didn’t put a lot of effort into the papers. They just didn’t react positively to the lecture/notes/study/test format that was established, I don’t know, back in Dickens’ times?
As someone interested in actually getting stuff into the heads of the people who were paying to be in my class, I adjusted. I can do enough diaologic, interactive, and entertainment-powered lecturing that I can keep students’ minds in the moment -- even if they aren’t lecture-friendly -- so that wasn’t usually an issue. I can boil info down pretty well, make it easily eatable, so that took care of them having to really focus and think. I emailed them detailed notes of every lecture, so they didn’t have to write stuff down. I cut the reading way down, even sometimes taught without any reading at all (because they just didn’t do it, so what was the point?).
And it kind of paid off. They were happier, at least. Well, until I had to give them feedback on their work.
That’s pretty much where the professor/mentor’s sidewalk ends. You can’t write or produce product for the person who is on the learning side. All you can do is read it, tell them where it fails, suggest some fixes, and hand it back for them to take another try.
Which sounds sweet and fluffy and progress-centered and all. But, in reality, giving feedback is where all the real blood is shed in educating people about anything. Working directly with creatives over the years has taught me a lot about giving feedback. But even more, it’s taught me about getting feedback well. So, here are a few suggestions/iron-born rules for how you should receive feedback.
() Separate your “core self-esteem” from this particular moment of feedback. By core self-esteem I mean the belief in your abilities that you have built up over time, over years, over many projects, the part of you that knows you’re generally funny, creative, likable, pretty good at what you do. You need to build that, nurture it, feed it, and keep it pure and strong inside of you. You don’t have to open that big pot of self-esteem to anyone who isn’t positive. HOWEVER, you do have to be fully open to getting expert feedback on your projects, no matter how negative or positive that feedback will be. It’s not about YOU. It’s about this product, and making it great. If you put your core self-esteem on the line every time, feedback will become a horrible emotional experience, and it will also be horrible to try to give feedback to you. No one wants to hurt your self-esteem. And no one wants to lie about the quality of your project because you have such vulnerable self-esteem. It’s a project. It’s not you. Separate.
() Once you pick your feedbacker, assume they're right, and you're wrong. Quit denigrating the expert when you get negative feedback. The easiest thing in the world is to think “this person is great” when they love your stuff, and “this person is an asshole” when they don’t. But guess what? The negative feedbacker is probably right. Much more probably than you being right, or someone who wants you to be happy is probably right. A good feedbacker is looking at your stuff with an outside eye, through years of experience and theory. And generally they want to improve it, because all real creatives want to improve everything they come into contact with. So let them. Stop ducking the negative. Ask for it. For real.
() Demand -- or at least beg for -- specifics in feedback. What’s weak? What’s strong? What are some general ideas for fixing the weaknesses? Not, “Rewrite this for me,” but what are some good directions to go? And if you’re demanding specifics, be ready to give them a reason to do that work for you, because, trust me, giving precise feedback is work.
() Be fun to give feedback to. It’s literally the worst part of what I do as a teacher/mentor, to try to help someone who resists the information I’m giving them. The moment I see someone tense up, defend themselves, and counter-argue, I want to stop talking and stop helping. Why would I want to slog through a conversation where I’m going to have to work to persuade someone who doesn’t know a 100th of what I know about this stuff? I don’t. I like helping, love collaborating, but can’t stand fighting with people who are under-informed, or over-invested in being told they’re amazing. On the other hand, if someone wants feedback from me, and they’re eager, want to learn, want to make their stuff great, are super-open to hearing all sorts of input from great sources, and are itching to get going and do the work to make their stuff great, then I will gladly help them forever.
() Don’t sell to your feedbacker. I don’t care if your friends thought this was hilarious. I don’t care if it “killed” with some audience I never saw. I only care whether I, the comedy expert you are paying, thinks it’s funny, original, interesting, marketable. If you can make me laugh, it has a chance at being something. If I read it or watch it and am bored, it doesn’t. That’s not because I’m a perfect judge, it’s because I am a very good judge. That’s why I feel okay about charging people for mentoring. I know what works, I have a good natural ear for comedy, and I’ve worked in this stuff for a long time. I’m a great place to get sharp, clean, on-point feedback. Telling me how much other people love this product means nothing.
() You want my harshest, cleanest, more incisive, most grown-up feedback. You really, really do. Because that means I’ve paid close attention to your project, thought about it, and have given my true reaction, analysis, and creative direction. That’s what you want. You don’t want me to be the one who builds your core self-esteem (fine, I’ll do some ego-building, but only about you as a person, or about your best work -- never on your evolving or still-mediocre stuff).
() Note to the universe: I HATE LEAVING THINGS MEDIOCRE. If you want to know the core of who I am as a creative, it’s this sentence. I’d rather take some hits as “the asshole” then let something go out to the world that could have been so much better if EVERYONE had been ego-open, looked hard at the theory of why this kind of project works, and done the work to make it fit that theory. SO STOP THINKING SOMETHING IS DONE AND GREAT WHEN IT'S NOT. Even if means doing a ton of extra work to get it right, don’t ever let your stuff stay mediocre.
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