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| Great set-ups create a precarious balance |
Like most of the clients I'm working with, the person I'll post about today likes to write in multiple comedy formats, including sketch, standup, maybe some sitcoms and screenplays down the road. For right now, though, he's looking to learn TV monologue -- aka, someone who can get hired to write straight-up "open the show" jokes that you see on so many late night talk shows.
I've worked as a TV monologue writer for many years, it's a job and art form I know really well. And even though it's a super short mode of writing (the jokes can be as short as 5 seconds, and even less for tag-lines), when you start creating these things you realize there really is a micro-art to doing it so that the jokes actually work. It's very, very nuanced, and the writing needs to be scalpel-like to get it all built into these tiny, but powerful, packets.
Right now we're working on one of the absolutely essential sub-arts in the joke writing process, which is to create really clean, crisp, informative, energized, interestingly worded, conversational, natural sounding, unclunky, easy to pronounce, short set-ups.
Well-crafted set-ups are the secret power center of all joke writing, they literally set up the entire universe of the joke, put everything into this exquisite perfect but precarious balance, so that it can all be completely ripped apart and big banged by the punchline. Without excellent set-ups, forget having monster joke payoffs. And without getting monster joke payoffs -- meaning audience-wide, irresistible, spontaneous gut-laughs that last and linger -- you aren't going to be a pro monologue writer.
Here's a set of notes I sent to my client in response to a recent set of jokes he sent me. See if some of these ideas for writing great set-ups help you get a better sense for how to build these essential little fulcrums of comedy.
** Notes:
- good job on finding interesting words for the set-ups, and making them shorter. Need to make sure the set-ups sound natural and conversational. Has to sound real or it becomes obvious that you’re trying to force in jokes, which throws people off and out of the joke. Try saying the setups out loud, it will help you hear if they sound natural -- easy to say, good flow, no odd phrasings, etc.
- McDonalds is trimming its menu as the scales are creeping up on kids. Also forbidden from creeping up on kids is Ronald McDonald.
- scales are creeping up sounds odd/forced. but i like the creeping verb, see if you can make the set-up sound more natural)
- McDonalds is taking several steps toward healthy eating. They’ve replaced Grimace with Jillian Michaels who’s paid to yell berating remarks in customers faces. It’s called SuperShame Me.
- good joke parts here, i like adding in micheals. but again, setup is phrased awkwardly. maybe “McDonalds is making strides” or “McDonalds is responding to criticism about the healthiness of its food by replacing Grimace with Jilliean Michaels.” with punches like
- Just as scary but not as purple.
- Michaels announced the news by screaming into a reporter’s face
- It’s all part of their new ad campaign, SuperShame Me
- Trying to change their image, McDoanlds menu is being rehabbed. Also undergoing rehab is Grimace and the Hamburgler.
- no joke here here, but i like the verb "rehab"
- McDonald’s is trying to rehab it’s image. Well, first they’re going to have to stop some of the parties their characters have been throwing [pic of hamburgler and grimace, drunk with hookers and rappers]
- McDonalds is moderinizing its menu. It’s also modernizing its image by removing a murderous clown as its spokesperson.
- make this conversational -- mcdonald’s is modernizing it’s menu. Hey, you know what would modernize your menu? Dumping the murderous clown.
- Mickey D’s is revamping it’s fatty menu and dated stores. From every store, they’re removing the Ronald McDonald Basement to be less creepy.
- McDonalds is slashing its food options. With less to choose from, the Hamburgler is getting his old job back as convict #3 on “Oh, Brother Where Art Thou”
- good mix of odd stories, this would make a good visual
- oh, brother a bit of a dated reference
- McDonalds menu gets updated. Also, the Fry Guys on roller skates will be replaced with Guys-Gobbling-Fries on Segues.
- make the set-up speakable, “McDonalds is updating its menu.”
- McDonalds restaurants are getting a hip...inside each is a remorse room where you can quietly sob after eating six cheeseburgers and a milkshake.
- they obviously wouldn’t do this one, so make it your suggestion instead. “Hey, I have a suggestion, open a Remorse Room where…”
- McDonalds menus and restaurants are now modernized. While kids are at the playland, parents can now sulk in the new age “Shame Sanctuary.”
- good name, clean the joke up so it can be spoken naturally
- McDonalds is changing toward healthier menu options. The unhealthy Fry Guys in rollerskates are replaced with...Guys on Roller Skates [old guy jpeg, gay guys jpeg
- pick on image or the other to suggest, don’t want to give two options/images or they’ll compete at the punch moment
- i think the gay guys is the stronger graphic
- i think the gay guys is the stronger graphic
- McDonalds is cleaning up its image. First to go is the Hamburgler...one of many at McDonalds with a criminal history.
- suggest the graphic: Ronald in cuffs, of behind bars, in a mug shot, etc.
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