Do We Have to Be Fair to Bill Cosby?

As a comedy writer, it’s always a boon when a celebrity does something

Creeeepy...

super outrageous.  For three reasons:

(1) They’re celebrities, and everyone knows them, and so the jokes you write are going to be universally and instantly understood.  

(2)  We have the internet, so you can get your jokes out immediately, send them into the world, instead of having to go through a picky editor, or just mumbling them to your friends and then having them disappear into the air never to be heard again.  

(3)  These aren’t real people, so you don’t have to be “nice” to them.

It’s this last idea that I want to quick discuss here, because when it comes to making a living as a comedy writer, this is an important and controversial idea.  

Celebrities are not real people.  By definition a celebrity is someone who has been created by the media, who has at least partly and usually mostly shaped their own character in the media.  They are therefore cartoons.  By definition, these are not “real” people.

And you don’t have to treat fake people with real people rules -- ie., be nice, be kind, be fair.  Since they’re cartoons, you get to do what in the cartoon world they call “squash-and-stretch.”  Defined as:

“No matter how much an object deforms in animation, it must always maintain the same apparent volume.”  

In other words, it’s not real, it’s only media technique that makes it seems real.  It’s an illusion everyone is playing with.

Hence, Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby is not a real person.  There is a real person who plays Bill Cosby in the media -- and has been doing so for a loooooong time -- but the real BC is not the media BC.  The media Bill is very valuable, is shaped, controlled, and crafted.  It’s made the Real Bill over a billion dollars.  But the Real Bill has always remained hidden behind the Fake Bill.

Until now.  When the Real Bill gets nailed for doing something so nuts that he leaps out from behind the Fake Bill, and changes Fake Bill forever.

It’s an interesting concept, and an important one, for comedy writers, that when writing about celebrities, we don’t have to use the ordinary rules of the social contract that guide how humans treat humans.  It’s a hard concept for non-writers to grasp or accept.  Because most people have no reason to take humans out of ordinary space and jam them into media space.  But comedy writers do have reasons -- celebrities are excellent humor resources.  Especially when they do something so out there that it captures everyone’s attention.

As a human, I have some concern for all humans, even Bill Cosby.  It would be great if he were really given a chance to clear his name or even to apologize for all he did.

But as a comedy writer, I don’t care AT ALL about Cosby’s guilt or innocence.  I care about the comedy.  I have to turn whatever is happening RIGHT NOW into humor.  If he comes out innocent, I’ll write jokes about that.  If he comes out guilty, there you go.

Which, again, is a concept that bothers some non-writers out there.  But doesn’t bother comedy writers as a group in the least.

And, in the end, we can always take solace in the fact that these jokes make no difference.  He’s not going to be convicted or not based on my jokes.  No one is going to change their lives based on my jokes.  

They’re just… jokes.  If I wanted to affect the outcome of the situation, or how people feel about the situation, I’d take a much different approach than joking about it.

So, what do you think?  Do comedy writers get to exist in a space outside of normal human “decency”?  Don’t we want them to be totally free to create, and not edit themselves based on the morality issues that restrict everyday life, and -- truthfully -- make it a lot less fun?  Don’t we want comedy writers to be empowered to bring to us the best of their thoughts, ideas, outlandish statements, rudenesses -- ergo, the best jokes?

I think we do  But that's me, and probably because it works in my favor.  What are your thoughts?

And while you generate those, here is my ever-growing collection of Twitter-written Cosby jokes.  Which, by the way, are constructed specifically for and thus work way better on Twitter itself (with its aesthetic of super fun, wandering in out of nowhere/non sequitur-ness -- something I'll post about later).

Cosby Tweets

Ray Rice should punch Bill Cosby.

If there are any women who have not been raped by Bill Cosby, please come forward.

Bill Cosby offers to settle things with Hannibal Buress over a friendly drink.

How's Bill Cosby going to get by with his billion dollars now that he has no way of making a living?

Bill Cosby threatens to rape the next woman who comes forward.

Bill Cosby's reputation is forever tarnished. Unless you're talking about his reputation as a rapist, that's gone through the roof.

So, Bill Cosby talks to every accuser face-to-face for an hour, we watch on YouTube, then everyone votes g/ng through Likes on Facebook.

I've gotten very sleepy whenever I've tried to watch any of Bill Cosby's comedy specials.

It's sad all these horrible accusations coming out about Bing Crosby.

Wasn't anybody at least a little suspicious when the title of Bill Cosby's last special was "I'm an Unconvicted Rapist!"

Some day Bill Cosby and Joe Paterno are going to have a heckuva conversation.

Bill Cosby set to star in remake of "While You Were Sleeping."

[and, the most favorited of the Cosby jokes…]

Charles Manson comes forward about an odd night he had with Bill Cosby years ago...